In the summer of 2001, I had been a mother for four years, a freelancer for three, and a homeowner (with my husband) for one. I was overwhelmed with trying to run a business and raise a kid and manage a household. Although most families in our socioeconomic circles hired cleaners, a sorority sister had been murdered by a man she hired to clean her carpets, making me skittish about having people in the house while I worked.
One day that summer, I saw a mention in the newspaper of a strange phenomenon emerging online – The FlyLady. Marla Cilley from Brevard, North Carolina taught flyfishing – hence the name – and had begun an online group for people trying to get their houses in order using a version of the Sidetracked Home Executives housekeeping system developed by Pam Young and Peggy Jones in 1977. Cilley threw in her own no-nonsense homespun voice, and a phenomenon was created.
The system has moved from index cards to Yahoo! group to an app, but the principles remain: every morning, take a shower and get dressed to the shoes in clothes you’d be willing to wear out in public. No more working in pajamas all day! Shine your sink. Set a timer to work on something for fifteen minutes, and then take a break or move on to something else. Jump in where you are. Housework is a way of blessing your house, and even housework done incorrectly still blesses your family. Follow the lists of weekly and daily chores. In October, add on the list of holiday missions so that you’ll be ready to celebrate whatever string of holidays your family celebrates when Thanksgiving rolls around.
While Marie Kondo was still in elementary school, the FlyLady was preaching against clutter. Her solution? Periodically, go on a 27 Fling Boogie. That is, walk through your house (ideally in 15 minutes) and find 27 things to throw or give away. Everything counts: last Sunday’s newspaper sitting in the front room, food gone bad in the refrigerator, clothes that no longer fit. Unlike Kondo, she doesn’t want you to think too hard about what you’re doing, just get it out.
The FlyLady was exactly what I needed.
Getting dressed every morning made me a smidge more like the entrepreneur that I was. Having a checklist helped keep the house under control, and using the timer during the work day improved my productivity. Regular 27 Fling Boogies kept the clutter to a manageable amount, and the Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year’s period became less like work and more like the fun it is supposed to be.
It even made it easier to deal with a preschooler. When he wanted me to play, I agreed, and then set the time. I really could do anything for fifteen minutes, including caring about the dramas of toy train engines living on a fictional island off the coast of England.
Sure, the FlyLady system is a bit retrograde. Cilley’s target audience are the women who bear most of the responsibility for keeping the house clean as well as, in most families, responsibility for making money. She says that if it’s a chore you would have to do if you lived alone, you aren’t allowed to complain about family members who won’t empty the trash. She wants you to do the work, and then you will see that she is right.
When we’re overwhelmed, we want to be told what to do, as long as it is something we actually can do. The FlyLady gives you a checklist. She has an elaborate process for cleaning a sink the first time, and it has the lovely result that 15 minutes later, the kitchen looks a lot better – maybe not clean, but better. It’s a small investment in time with a big reward.
I consider myself to be a feminist, and I would like to live in a world where women aren’t judged by the state of the house. And yet, people do judge. Furthermore, I prefer to live in a house with clean dishes, fresh towels, and empty wastebaskets. Thankfully, the checklists and missions make it easier to delegate cleaning chores, freeing up a little of the mental load. Instead of having to decide what your kid should do to help, hand over a feather duster and set a timer for fifteen minutes.
All these years later, my kid is in college and I have returned to an office job. The FlyLady system still influences the rhythm of my days. I rely on a timer to stay focused on work, and I go searching for 27 things to throw out whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed by the state of the house. My most recent 27 Fling Boogie included a fondue pot that hasn’t been used in at least 15 years. Our vacuuming has been outsourced to a robot, but the other steps in the weekly home blessing still take place on a more or less regular basis.
The entropy and chaos of daily life lead to a sink full of dirty dishes, balled-up socks under the bed, and piles of paper in a supposedly paperless office. The FlyLady gets that. She also knows that any one of us can make a dent working fifteen minutes at a time.
